News Alert: Dateline 21 January 2005; Brit Hume reporting.
As we’ve been covering this remarkable event since election day;
Colonel Dan, an obscure southern write in, who didn’t campaign and wanted no
part of the political world, won the 2004 presidential election in a landslide.
He took the oath of office just a few minutes ago and will now give his
inaugural address. Let’s listen
now to Colonel Dan, the 44th President of the United States.”
fellow Americans, I just took a solemn oath to uphold and defend the
Constitution of the United States—not the platform of any political party and
most assuredly, not the United Nations charter. Every American should know that while I have no idea why you
elected me or how this all came about, I take this oath and my duties
seriously—probably more seriously than most professional politicians.
I never wanted political office but since this bale of hay fell on me, I
intend to honor that oath. If that scares the wits out of some in Washington, so be
the years, politicians have incrementally ignored the Constitution and put us in
a convoluted mess. Consequently,
government has grown out of control and America is no longer the nation it was
originally intended to be. It’s
now time to reestablish the founder’s ideals and return America to what I call
the colonial traditionalism of our forefathers.
10th Amendment remains part of the Constitution so I am returning the
function of federal government to its original, limited role, as outlined in the
Constitution and restore power to the states. I’ll review all federal functions and laws and if they
cannot be traced clearly and directly to specific powers authorized in the
Constitution, I’ll kill them—big government lovers will have to live with
2nd Amendment is also very much alive and guns have always been an
integral part of establishing and sustaining America. I firmly believe that our freedom depends on each citizen
having a resolute spirit connected to a well-trained trigger finger.
Anything that violates the simple concept of
“…shall not be infringed” is not open for discussion.
I intend to challenge the constitutionality of every gun law and follow
our founder’s simple concept rather than the government’s convoluted ideas.
Only governments that don’t trust their citizens want to control
firearms and any government that doesn’t trust its citizens, is itself
undeserving of trust. I believe in
personal responsibility, not government control.
You can have all the freedom you can responsibly handle—carry firearms
open or concealed, no restrictions or permits required but, if you commit a
crime or hurt anyone through negligence or intent, you will pay. Freedom comes
at a price and that’s the cost of the ticket my friends.
16th Amendment, which established the income tax, is abhorrent and
must be repealed. With the coming
reduction in government, we won’t need income tax money anyway.
The government will learn to live within its’ budget as responsible
Americans must do. Additionally,
all government rules dictating what you can and can’t do with your money to
include IRAs, retirement funds and estates are dictatorial and must also be
repealed. What you do with your
assets is none of Washington’s business—it’s your wealth, go forth and do
good things with it.
based on politically correct pandering are nothing more than thinly veiled
vehicles of discrimination and serve only to lower standards for all Americans.
I will repeal them. America is
based on a guarantee of equal opportunity, not equal outcome. Strive to compete, not complain. I will work to provide that
environment for equal opportunity but you must provide the sweat required to
achieve and the determination required to succeed.
will be suspended for 10 years and after that, strictly controlled and severely
limited. If you want to live in
this country, we invite you to apply legally and adoption of our culture is part
of the deal you must accept. When
and if you earn citizenship, you will be an American—no hyphenated designation
will be recognized. Take pride in
things American, for you are now an American.
Illegal aliens will get no quarter or benefits whatsoever. What they will get is deported and the bill for our trouble
sent to their country of origin. The
operative word here is “illegal” and all countries with citizens fitting
this category are hereby put on notice—you will take action to curtail this
invasion or America will hold you directly responsible. Make no mistake, I do
view this as an invasion of the United States and I intend to stop it and
unhesitatingly use our military forces as required to “protect and defend”
as my oath requires.
my foreign policy, we didn’t succeed in making people love us under a policy
of “globalism” so today I am declaring that approach dead.
I am returning this country to George Washington’s view of avoiding
entangling foreign alliances. Our
troops are coming home and will secure our own country for a change.
money currently budgeted for foreign aid will be immediately suspended and
re-evaluated with priority going to fund our own interests first.
America’s doors of trade will be open to all but we will not
politically entangle ourselves with any.
I no longer recognize the United Nations as anything other than a deliberative
body designed to facilitate humanitarian assistance and international trade—a
body that has absolutely no authority over the sovereignty of America.
I am President of the United States, not some global village and I will
never deviate from the philosophy of “America First”.
military was intended to protect the United States and fight our wars not play
world cop. I will fund our forces
to train and fight efficiently and give our military leaders the latitude they
need to win. Additionally, if our
forces are committed, it will be under a declaration of war or we won’t go and
once the decision is made to fight, it will be our military leadership that will
command, control and direct the force, not politicians and certainly not the
United Nations. Our approach will
be to employ overwhelming force to get the job done quickly and get out.
Finally, regarding our military personnel, we ask a lot from them and the
fact that some of our junior members must use food stamps to feed their families
is criminal. Since we are reducing government, there will be increased
funds available for our most valued weapon—the GI.
If that horrid situation with our junior enlisted isn’t corrected in 30
days, people will be fired until I find someone who can fix it or I’ll do it
state should send their Senators and Representatives to Washington for a limited
time only to discuss the nation’s business and then return home to real jobs.
Political office was not intended to be a full time profession for any
member of Congress. Additionally,
for the very limited time they are in Washington, they should fall under the
same salary and benefits plan as they determine good enough for any other
government employee. The money
saved there alone will go far in freeing our GIs from food stamps.
job of education will be removed from Washington and returned to the states.
I do however encourage schools to teach history, not revisionism and
teach the Constitution, not perversion. They
should focus on the traditional 3 R’s of Reading, ‘Riting and ‘Rithmatic
not the modern 3 S’s of Sex, Socialism and Self-esteem.
Real self-esteem will be gained through the satisfaction that comes from
since I am clearly not a big government socialist, I know the media will hate me
no matter what so I’m not even going to try and pander to them for favorable
press. Report as they will, I
intend to follow my convictions, not chase headlines.
I frankly don’t care what they say, write or think about me.
now know where I stand. Today, I am
asking every American to help me in rekindling the traditional spirit of
personal independence and kill the modern expectation of federal dependency.
It’s time America’s children of liberty put this country back on
track—and we’re starting today!”
up! You’ve been thrashing around all night—mumbling something about a ton of
hay falling on you from the Capital dome. What
in the world is the matter?”
Mary. Wow. What a terrible night. Boy
am I glad you woke me. You’ll
never believe the nightmare I had. I was sitting in the Hitching Post saloon watching the
election returns and doing a little research when I hear Brit Hume announce the
winner…it was me! Well let me
tell you what happened then…..”
Just a bad dream from my saddle…
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